Met the fag hag's (LOL) other fag B last week for dinner. B's been living in the Netherlands for quite some time now with his boyfriend J (so they're B and J... heehee), and they were here for some R&R -- it's J's first time in the country and B's about to intro him to the parents, I think.
Theirs is a story of love knowing no boundaries -- geography (they met online, if I remember correctly), age, etc. Which is nice, but I'm still a bit jealous (also because B got to see the Spice Girls reunion tour in Amsterdam). Hehe. I'm not bitter though. If anything, it actually gave me some sliver of hope in the otherwise murky and already-congested playing field. I'm already frakking 25 -- being mature about these little things is the least I can do.
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Attended someone's birthday party with friends last Saturday. It was my first time to attend such a [gay] gathering of sorts, what with the rainbow-ful of B.Y. (beautiful and young) writers, entrepreneurs, and other "arrived" distinguished guests. Had I not been personally invited, my self-esteem would have dropped ten points. *shrugs* Which would be unhealthy, considering my self-proclaimed personal issues as a histrionic diva-in-training (see here and here).
A couple of lessons (re)learned and realizations made during the gathering:
- Iced tea is a good gaydar. Well at least based on a little experiment we did. Blame it on Pasto's raspberry-flavored iced tea.
- I'm developing an aversion towards alcohol. I think I alcohol-ed myself out during the last eCamp. The thought of Bacardi still shudders me, and as manifested in my almost-puking episode that night, I'm adding red wine on that list (then again I've been a white person before). Mango-flavored Absolut was no help either. Maybe this is for the good, given my fatty liver and all.
- It never pays to be anti-social. I seriously think that I should have a personal coach in gay etiquette (maybe M can teach me some of his tricks). Here was an opportunity to make get to know other people -- perhaps even hook up with some of them later (harhar) -- but I ended up opting for the wallflower route. *sigh* I do have to give myself a pat in the back for doing brave attempts at socializing, though (I chatted with at least three people I've just met/been introduced to... even if that meant butting in on a converation). But the sad reality is, "marketing" myself is something I still need to get used to, especially if there are more "safe" alternatives such as close friends available.
Maybe I would've fared better if I was thrown in into a completely unfamiliar territory, like in speed dating or a marketing class. It will be like first day in college again: survival instincts tend to kick in during those times.
- I don't have a straight guy friend. As in really close best-guy mate whom I can be comfortable as I am and whom I can share secrets with without having that fear that he'll be a homophobic bastard who thinks I'm in love with him. I used to think that I had during high school... until I found out he was getting more gay action than I will ever get (and this was when he was still seventeen). Anyway, so there I don't have straight guy friends, and I just realized that I envy those who have (even if by "straight" we mean -- as one partygoer puts it -- "bi now, gay later"). I could use some butching up, for one. :P For another, I could use some reaffirmation (from another perspective) that it's okay to be who am, and that I can be who I want to be.
It didn't help that the birthday boy's straight friend is incredibly hunk-able. Crap. That muddled the motives of me having one a bit. LOL!