Some people are just luckier than me.
The other day I was having a three-way(!) chat with Ryan and Jek when the topic of our conversation went from the usual chikahan/okrayan to gay online dating sites: who's a member of what, which sites should we also join, etc. I already have an account with Gay.com. And Gaydar. And Match.com. And up until recently, I also signed up forh G4M. HAHAHA! At the end the day, I also signed up with Fabuloush (don't ask me about the spelling), which is a local, group/community... essentially yet another place to search for potential hookups. I can't help it, I'm a [computer] geek. I don't have a social life.
So anyway, Jek and Rai rattling off the list of people they've already met (among other things). And there I was, unable to type cos I can't relate. Hehe *aww* I mean, My Gay.com profile, for one, has been up for, like two years now. No messages (I can't even access the chat rooms). And despite me being nominated as a Gaydar Sex Factor a couple of months ago, I don't think my profile has been viewed for quite some time now.
Whilst browsing along some more profiles and personals, intent -- and somehow desperate -- to find out what's probably wrong with my personal ad, I came into the following realizations:
(Note, however, that these are mere observations. I'm not generalizing. Then again I may just be sourgraping.)
- Pictures are important; the bolder (or skankier), the better. Let's face it, in a culture as vain -- and sometimes superficial -- as the gay culture, one should better have some stack of shirtless pics ready for posting. Better show the goods *ehem* you're trying to sell. Yup, so flaunt those pecs and rippled abs. Or just... flaunt whatever it is you're trying to flaunt. ^_^ If one's gutsy enough (read: if he has so much fighting spirit), he can even do a full monty for all the world to see.
(Ooh, reminds me of those strategically-placed camera lenses on nude self-portraits. Hehe. It's kinda funny, especially those who take pictures of themselves -- sans their faces -- in front of a mirror. Then again, who else would one trust to take nudie pics of himself? Hmm...)
I don't have a shirtless pic, though, as I don't think most people will find my man-boobs and love handles very titillating. Hehe. And to think I'm NOT fat. Ugh. Hell, I'm not even overweight. *sigh* I DO have wholesome pics of myself (hello, just see the requisite Friendster pic at the sidebar...see? I'm not fat, right?). Hehe. With THAT killer smile. HAHAHAHA! Although obviously, if these kinds of pictures sell, I wouldn't be writing this. Case in point: my G4M profile, which had been up since last week. No messages. Ryan's profile, on the other hand, which he just created the very same day we were chatting, was flooded with 18 pages worth of messages in the span of six hours. All because of his shirtless-in-boxers webcam snapshot.
In any case, wholesome pictures are better than having no pic at all. Unless of course you want to get flamed by some guy for bothering him. As one too many profiles say, better not waste your time (and theirs) for sending a message if you don't have a pic for them to check you out.
- Whatever happened to intellectual masturbation? It may be the thing of the past now, but I make it a point of filling out all the details for my peronal profile. From something as mundane as hobbies or favorites actresses, to the more... difficult questions like describing myself and who I want to meet. I guess it's a bit easier for me to type away and provide witty and sometimes creative answers since I write (well, actually edit) for a living. But when you read something like this:
I lyk to get fucked. I like guys hu is great in bed...
First of all, it's supposed to be an online profile. Something one makes using a computer. With a keyboard. NOT a cellphone where you have to press the same button many times to type, or you only have a space for 100 characters. Secondly, there's this thing called spell check, which usually checks grammar, too. Now, if I add a third factor in this scenario -- that being the idea that the above "sentences" were written by a law student... ARGH!
Of course, I'm guessing he DID get fucked by guys who are great in bed. Cos he has THAT shirtless pic.
Then there's this story Pipo was telling me the other day... something about some guy he supposedly offended because he told him (the guy) that he's too good to be true. Hmm. Unless I am VERY much mistaken, I think that statement is more of a compliment?
- You have to bisexual to have gay sex. Or unsure. Or curious. But, most of the time, NOT "gay". When Ryan was creating his profile on one of these sites, he asked "Ano ba dapat ilagay ko dito? Gay o bi?"
Obviously, people who create online profiles tend to fib about some aspects of their personality. Or in this case sexuality. In fairness, I'm sure some of these people are indeed bi, or striaght-but-curious, or still "confused" (which reminds of the movie inter.m@tes... heehee). Apparently, for some Pinoys "bisexuality" exudes masculinity, unlike being "gay" which seems to be tantamount to being effeminate. Or transgendered. *shrugs* Whatever the case, I came across some "bi" profiles, which, more often than not, also include the words masculine, straight-acting, and discreet. I am especially bothered with the second one (straight-acting), cos it's... I dunno. Paradoxical? How does one act straight? As Q. Allan Brocka pointed out in one article, it's like a person of color declaring he's "white-acting".
Oh, and they also have some caveats like "no effems or chubs please". Hmm. Picky.
What I do find funny in this -- squeamishness? -- about one's gender is the fact that it is usually followed by the following question: How "out" are you? I read a profile once claiming he's confused, but is "totally out". Huh? He's out and proud about his confusion?
Then there are instances of straight-acting bottoms (how does act straight when being plowed in the ass?), discreet straight guys (what does a straight guy have to be discreet for?)... and don't even get me started with a friend who's "bi-slash-gay" (he's 3/4 gay?)
- Better be aggressive. If no one seems to be interested, it's best to play the offensive and let the other person know you're interested. Even cliche pick-up lines seem to work.
Unfortunately for me, I'm not aggressive. Heck, I can't even make eye contact when cruising some guy walking down the street for fear of getting beat up. And because I feel guilty for looking at him in the first place. I hate rejection. It's a crummy feeling.
Meanwhile, I think I still have the record for going on two semi-successful EBs. In two years.