out alive

We can run, we can hide

We can show off our guns and put on a fight

If it's love, hold on tight, hold on tight

Maybe we'll make it out alive

I have been meeting with a life coach twice a month since October. These sessions were set up by my boss for me and some of my teammates/fellow "stakeholder managers" (aka those who regularly talk to our internal customers and partners from different business units) in hopes that we become "drivers" in the long run: more assertive, more strategic, etc. etc.

While at the onset we're already told that coaching should not be misinterpreted as...psychotherapy, I'd still like to think that it is, in a way. Talking with Coach May for two hours every month is like chatting with a gossipy kumare (and I say this fondly). But I guess the main reason for that is the issue we're trying to--for lack of a better term--resolve. Yes, my issues are personal, and overcoming it may be the key to achieve the professional goal set by the boss.

My main assignment is find out what makes me happy and excited. Then sustain it.

The first part's easy. I can easily rattle off a list of names, places, and things that bring a smile to my face: Kris Allen, hot men, puppy pictures, chocolates, pizza, and massages (just to name a few; check out my Tumblr account: it's full of these). Or when the team puts out this kick-ass infographic and it gets picked up by Mashable. Or organizing and hosting a media event. I love the sense of fulfillment and accomplishment after all these things. And yes, I love to bask in the spotlight most of the time from time to time. :-)

Sustaining the happiness, excitement, and confidence, however, is another story. Apparently it starts and stops for me. Which explains why most people have the first impression that I'm mataray. (This is also my default reaction to everything -- just ask Eric and Miray, and even my mom, who've seen this in action.) This lack of follow-through (sustenance?) may also help explain my wishy-washy tendencies and second-guessing and hesitations (which, in turn, partly explains the brouhaha last week).

The advice given to me by my coach, therefore, is to go with the flow of the universe.

Yes, it's easier said than done. And yes, perhaps other people may have realized this sooner rather than later. But to me it makes perfect sense to really start trying to live by this mantra. I'm approaching thirty for crying out loud; I don't want to grow old and look back on a life filled with regret (goodness knows how many shoulda-woulda-couldas I could handle). If there's anything 2012 taught me, it's that I can achieve things. I can shed ten pounds if I wanted to, or appear on live TV for an interview. Or heck, even bring home a guy (yeah this one may not be a good example, but you get my drift).

True, some of my experiences this year were not so good; they required a lot of stress and effort--literal blood, sweat, and tears even. But it's the last day of the year and so far I'm still alive. That has to count for something.

Follow through, PJ. Follow through dammit.

A college philo professor once said: lundagin mo beybeh! I want 2013 be the year I can really say to myself that I finally took that leap. So universe, work with me please.

And to start off the new year: a new role at work. Dun-dun-duuunnn...

* * *

Okay, enough of the waxing philosophical. Here are some of my resolutions for the coming year and beyond. (These are still kinda abstract, but hey...)

• Sing more
• Dance more
• Exercise more
• Read more
• Write more
• Save more
• Smile more
• Love more