Tuesday, October 26, 2010

let's get physical

I want a doctor as hot as him

The month was a barrage of medical exams for me. I dunno what came over me but one day I just decided to visit my HMO and "claim" the ultrasound request my urologist asked me to do five months ago.

As someone used to doing UTZ for the kidney and the bladder, it always amazes me how much self-control I can muster when I set my mind on it (which apparently is almost never, given my rants on my last post). Come on, holding a full bladder and waiting for your turn on a full-house waiting room with other people mustering the same stone-faced and upright posture you're making (lest we wet ourselves on the spot) and ignoring the tantalizing/torturing sound of the nearby toilet flushing requires every ounce of Yoda-esque concentration.

The results where somewhat surprising in a good way: whatever it is that I'm doing in the past half year made me expel one of those drasted kidney stones. So now I'm just working on just one. LOL! I passed a stone more than once. Supposedly it's like men's version of childbirth but what do I know? I do know that I'd trade a full bladder UTZ for it any day.

Anyway, so this sorta good news allowed me to breach the topic of other tests my urologist could possibly recommend. I hinted at STD tests (if the reasons are not yet obvious *rolls eyes*), but ever the frank one, Doc asked "you mean HIV?" Apparently if I'm requesting for an STD blood exam it's either for that or for syphillis. Oops. But might as well go ahead with it. I've been meaning to get myself tested in, like, forever but--as with most of the people I know--was afraid to make the next step (i.e., actually getting tested).

The thing with getting tested in a hospital, though, is that 1) it takes 2 painful, fearful weeks to get the results, and 2) it's very expensive. Double oops. Thankfully the result's negative so I it's all worth it in the end (though probably next time go to the health center already!).

Meanwhile, mother caught wind of my initiative and suggested I should also have my cholesterol and sugar levels and my loud snoring checked too. So I managed to have myself undergo blood extraction twice in a span of one week. Not that I'm squeamish about it (I'm actually fond of seeing my blood bubble up a bit...does that make me creepy?), although they did make me a bit woozy. Then again, that's probably just because of the ongoing strategic planning the team was having at the time.

Result: I need to watch what I eat. :(

I also get to sleep on a makeshift hotel in the hospital overnight, with wires attached on my head. Despite the lack of caffeine the entire day I did not get proper sleep. Of course, the lack of sleep part can also be explained by apnea, which apparently I have, but I'd like the overall uneasiness by someone who's namamahay take the blame too. ;)

My initial thought when I got my sleep test results was: great, I'll probably die in my sleep. Followed by: great, I can't sleep over someone else's place. The sleep specialist I'm seeing explained that my jaw structure constricts the air passage once my throat muscles relax.

So... I have a tight throat. To think some would take that as a compliment.

Image: Dr. Frank Spinelli, gay doctor from the Feast of Fools (source)

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