Monday, November 30, 2009

can't fight this feeling

So this is what falling in love having a huge HUGE crush must feel like.

Remember the last time I came this close into feeling... something? It's happening again. In an almost identical situation. Of course, again I fear I'm treading a very thin line here: should/would/could I?

At least I've already gotten some facts straight (pun intended). Availability: check. Knows that I exist: check. Hotness factor: check. (Okay, so that last one is biased. But if one can sing, play sports, and be impeccably metrosexually dressed all at the same time, you'd wonder if there's anything he cannot do.) I can carry out a conversation with him without feeling stupid or attempting to be somebody else because I'm not funny enough, or serious enough, or... butch enough.

But he knows me -- flaws and all -- as an acquaintance. A colleague. I wonder how that'll translate if I aim for that next level. And he has his cracks beneath the perfect surface, too. That text-speak for one. :P And has some unresolved issues with himself and his past relationship/s. Which explains -- at least I try to explain to myself out of jealousy -- why he's on constant string of dates.

The selfish part in me urges to go jump ahead and profess, ABBA-style, that should he change his mind, I'm the first in line. The more selfish part in me fears of a possible fallout if things go awry: the awkward relationship that becomes unbearable for one or for both. *shrugs*

I've actually already decided to go jump right ahead. If anything, it makes me motivated to better myself if not for him then for someone else in -- hopefully -- the near future (although admittedly this holiday season is making it difficult for me to work out. LOL!). At least the inspiration is there. What paralyzes me now, though, is the timing and the approach. Is there a perfect timing in the first place? What are the chances of him moving on while I fuss over timing?

I don't want this to be another shoulda-woulda-coulda scenario all over again. That I'm sure of.

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